A Good Man-Friend Is Hard To Find

Whew! It’s been a while since I’ve been on here.  How’s it going blogging friends?  Today, I want to talk to you a little bit about man friends.  And no, I don’t mean the grownup versions of boyfriends.  I mean, men that are actually friends.

When I was in high school, I had a good group of friends.  For the most part, the people that I spent my time with were my female friends.  Despite my entire family’s participation in various sports, I’ve always been much more of a theater and arts girl.  My after-school activities consisted of music, photography and theater.  Since my interests have always been more ‘backstage’, I joined stage crew instead.  When I joined, the only other person without a Y chromosome was our Teacher/Advisor.  Most of our meetings were filled with crude jokes, way too much talk about the NY Yankees and more crude jokes.  And I’m not saying that to be stereotypical… I’m just saying, come on, they were teenage boys.  For a few solid months during play rehearsal, the majority of the people I spent time with were the guys in stage crew.  And I really began enjoying their company.

Anyway- eventually more girls joined stage crew and things evened out some, but I was always proud of the guy friends that I made there.  It taught me the value of friendships with guys.  For the most part, they’re straight shooters where women tend to beat around the bush.  Guys generally have fewer hidden agendas and WAY less drama.  At least they did in high school.

Through the years, the majority of my friendships changed, as they do with everyone, I’m sure.  I feel like as we get older, there’s less of a need for pretense as the naivety wears off.  Even in our 20’s people say and do things that were completely taboo ten years ago in high school.  It kind of makes me wonder if those things are still taboo, or if kids are just starting things younger.  I’d hate to think the latter, but working with the youth group at my church the last couple years has kind of made me skeptical.

I guess where I’m going with this is: I still have some guy friends that I have known for a long time.  One in particular seems to have some reoccurring issues.  And that issue is that despite how many times I tell him that I’m not interested in him, he doesn’t get it.

Please, trust me when I say that I’m not the type of girl that gets hit on a lot.  In fact, I can remember the one and only time a guy has ever asked me for my phone number.  I was living just outside of DC at the time and I had just gotten my hair highlighted.  It was an uncommonly warm day for early spring and I had dressed up in jeans, a nice blouse and my FAVORITE heels.  (Honestly, I think maybe they’re magic shoes.  Just kidding… Maybe).  Anyway- I was sitting at a restaurant with a friend and our waiter had a napkin inside the folder with the bill asking me for my phone number.

He was this really awkward, extremely punk guy, and I thought he was totally cute.  So, I gave him my number.  He called me later that night when I was at the same aforementioned friend’s house and she and I giggled about the phone conversation for a good hour after I hung up with him.  Well, technically, I hung up ON him after he told me that he didn’t want to ask me out until he let me know that he had an STD.  While I maybe should have been appreciative for his honesty, mostly I was perturbed and annoyed that he felt it necessary to tell me that up front.  Like he expected things with me to get that far just from the 2 minute phone conversation we had had.

And there you have it- the only time I’ve ever been asked for my phone number.  Now, back to the previous story after such a long aside.  But you’re glad for the little life stories, right?  I feel like that one should have been sent into Seventeen Magazine as a dating horror story, even though it wasn’t even a date.  But I’m getting off topic again- back to the point!

So, we’re back to exploring the nature of a particular friendship of mine with a guy who continues to suggest that we be more than friends despite my continual and constant refusals.  At first, it was amusing… maybe even a little flattering.  But as someone who claims to be my friend, it’s gotten to the point where it’s exhausting and honestly, disheartening.  Because I’ve explained to him, on at least 3 separate occasions what I’m doing this year.  Shouldn’t a friend care about that?  Shouldn’t a friend want what’s best for me, or at the very least respect the decision that I made?

The worst part to me (as if this whole issue wasn’t bad enough) is that he has a girlfriend.  Yes. Girl. Friend.  So when he texted me today and asked me if I wanted to ‘cuddle later’ (and just as an aside- and completely irrelevant- seriously… that’s what you open with?) I told him that I was *pretty* sure he was texting the wrong person.  And when he wrote back and said that no, he didn’t have the wrong person, that’s when I was just really fed up.

How LITTLE respect for ME can you have, that despite the fact that BOTH of us know that you have a girlfriend, (because, BTW, I just mentioned it in my previous text) you STILL want to try crap with me?!?! Wow.  I mean, just wow.

If you don’t want to respect yourself, that’s fine.  I won’t judge you for that.  But if you claim that you’re my friend and you want to stay my friend, you sure as heck better learn how to respect me.

Maybe I’ve been overshooting what I call a ‘friend’ these days.  Or maybe I’m just so used to crap from people that I let too much go.  But this is getting ridiculous.

So where are you, men that call yourselves ‘good guys’?

Where are you, men that can be friends with a girl without wanting something more?

How long do I have to suffer through the guys who care more about trying to make something physical happen before I meet a guy who is really as good as his Momma thinks he is?

Anyone heard the song by Carrie Underwood “The More Boys I Meet”?

Well, if not, let’s just say it ‘explores’ all these types of guys.  And the punch line is “the more boys I meet, the more I like my dog.”

Perhaps another good line would be “with friends like these…” because seriously.

Now please, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not trying to harp on the whole gender.  It just seems that all of the guys that I meet aren’t exactly what I’d call ‘good guys’.  Scratch that- because I do know some good guys.  They just seem to have no interest in being friends with me.

So, to take the typical girlie route- is there something wrong with me?  Am I attracting (even in a friendship kinda way) the wrong type of guy?

And if so- how do I change it?

Thanks for listening blogosphere.  And thanks for the little jaunt down memory lane.  I had all but forgotten phone number guy.  And remembering about him after a particularly troubling text conversation with that ‘friend’ made me giggle a little all over again.

Be brave,