This week has been a strange mix of highs and lows. It seems like they all kind of balance out in the end… but still it’s been somewhat exhausting.
Monday was incredibly hectic at work. With just one other person in the office, we had about 6 customers between 10-11 Monday morning, all of whom demanded some special attention (usually all at once). Generally it’s not an issue. But being so short staffed, and since we’re supposed to always have someone available to answer the phones, it got a little crazy. And by special attention, I don’t just mean they asked for a price or two. Usually working in an antique shop is fun. And rather easy. The people that come in are generally content to walk around and see all of the amazing pieces that we have. But Monday was a different story. Everyone needed to have something moved or opened or lifted or have photos taken of something. We were measuring and opening tables and searching for keys for cabinets and digging out sconces. It was insane. (And also the first Low on the scale)
BUT I got to see my favorite one of our shippers (who I may or may not have a crush on). When I first met him 8 months ago he made a joke about us going on a date. I don’t know… I’ve kind of liked him ever since. Plus, he’s sweet… and you can tell just a major teddy bear kinda guy. And in a place where no one calls me by my preferred first name (really long story), the fact that he does is kind of a breath of fresh air. (Definite high)
HOWEVER… Monday, I also discovered that I have poison ivy. BADLY. It’s disgusting and oozing and last night I got so fed up with how DEFORMED I look, I broke down and cried. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so emotional about things. But I choose to blame the prednisone. (MAJOR LOW).
OK, so maybe they didn’t exactly even out… I feel like there were more lows than highs…. but I’ll live. I got to spend time with one of my bestest friends over the weekend. We went with a group of friends to see Hunger Games (which was definitely amazing). I made some new friends and have a great new source for book recommendations. The hour and a half drive to MA really isn’t that bad, but I admittedly don’t make the trip as often as I’d like to. Sometimes I wish things weren’t so busy all the time.
Anyway- enough wallowing. What I really want to talk about today is characters. Well, one type of character in particular. I know I’ve touched on this before- but now that I’m back into writing my story, I really want to explore this a little more.
You see, for as long as I can remember, my literary boy dreams have been about one particular type of guy- The bad boy.
Well, more like bad boys that are really good. (Because really, bad boys with no redemptive qualities are just… bad.)
When I was younger, it was as innocent as Mr. Darcy- with his brooding ways and perceived pride by Elizabeth. He was never actually a bad boy, but he and Elizabeth always had that opposites attract thing going on that really just stuck with me.
And then there was Gilbert Blythe. *sigh*
He may not have really been a bad boy either- but you could always tell that he enjoyed the mischief he caused. I mean look at that picture. You’re picturing him whispering “Hey Carrots!” right now, aren’t you? I know I am. Anyway…. Gilbert had that innate quality that made you want to scream at him and run to his arms all at the same time. At least- that’s what I always
wanted to do thought Anne should have done.
Through the years, my interest shifted from good boys that act bad: Michael from Grease 2… (stop laughing. It’s a guilty pleasure movie), Sam from Supernatural (the early years), to bad boys that have something redemptive in them. Jess from Gilmore girls, Damon from Vampire Diaries.
Michael from Grease 2.
For some reason, I’ve always had a thing for Michael. He’s like the geek of all geeks because he finds a way to get the pretty, popular girl. I think there’s something in me that relates to him and his struggle. The one person he really wants is looking for something so completely opposite of who he is. He’s the smart, studious Teacher’s Pet. And as Stephanie so oddly sings about…. she wants a bad boy, a ‘cool rider’. I like that song. I know, there’s something so wrong and cheesy it’s not even funny. But she says “if he’s cool enough he can burn me through and through.” So Michael decides to become a bad boy for her… and in the end, she realizes that she really likes both aspects of Michael when she finds out who he really is. Blah- I’m admitting way too much about the absolute geek that I am here. ha.
Sam from Supernatural (the early years).
Before Sam got himself hooked on demon blood steroids (let’s just make this a don’t ask/don’t tell type deal, K? K.), he had so much potential. In college studying law- no one would have known that he spent the first 18 years of his life learning how to hunt all of the things that go bump in the night. His easy smile and quirky, geeky ways were so charming. And then he’d turn around and kill some nasty urban legend baddie (like Bloody Mary or the Wendigo) and turn into a completely different person. I was in love.
Jess from Gilmore girls
Despite being messed up by both his absent father and his jumping from one bad relationship to the next mother, Jess turned his tortured childhood into the ultimate snarky, bad boy with a good heart. It always amused me how strikingly different he was around Rory than anyone else. Granted, it made it difficult for anyone but her to see the good in him, but eventually most people came around.
Damon from Vampire Diaries– (insert swoon here).
There’s something about Damon… He’s snarky and sarcastic. He’s passionate even though he doesn’t always let it show. He’s conflicted and flawed. So often characters on TV are portrayed as someone that’s unattainable. And despite the fact that the whole vampire thing IS unattainable, there’s something about the humanity of Damon that is intriguing. He hides his true feelings. He buries them and pushes them down because even though he’s in love with this girl, he knows that she can do better than him. But at the same point, he’s dark and dangerous and you never know what he’s going to do. (Can you tell I have a thing for him? haha)
I could probably go on for days listing all of these amazing characters. There’s just something about them. They’re conflicted and unpredictable. It’s almost like being drawn to the beauty of a flame. You know if you get too close, you’ll run the risk of getting burned. But sometimes you just want to see how close you can get.
So, it should probably come as no surprise that my main character, Dallas, has a lot of these characteristics. In my head, I can see the way he acts- the way he keeps everyone at arms length. I can see the snarky attitude and the dark and dangerous unpredictability. He’s actually gotten a lot clearer in my head recently. I’ve been going back over my 50,000 or so words that I’ve already written. And I can see so many places where I’ve boxed him in. I’ve made Dallas someone that I want him to be instead of letting his character just be. I’m reminded of the quote that goes something like “people who follow the rules rarely make history.” Dallas and Lia and their friends… they become history makers in this story. And in so many instances, I’m making them follow the rules. I’m keeping them tied up in a nice neat little box and just letting them out when I want to.
Hopefully this all doesn’t make me sound too incredibly crazy. It’s hard to say “I want to let my characters be their own person” when they’re not really people. But they kind of are… all stuck up there in my head.
But regardless of all of that, I want this story to ring true. I want it to be authentic and not fall flat. And in so many of the scenes that I’ve written, I feel like it’s falling flat. The characters don’t have the depth that they should. And I’m finding myself more and more discouraged that I won’t get it right. I want someone to be able to picture and envision my characters the way I have with books since I was little. Before Jonathan Crombie, Gilbert Blythe was in my head. I could see him. I knew who he was.
And I just want my characters to have that same ability.
I know that writing takes time. I know it won’t happen over night. And I want to be the best writer that I can. I don’t write to become published. I write because I love words and the effect that they can have. I just want my writing to matter.
Maybe I need to work on taking my own advice and